Whatever Remains However Improbable

Sherlock Holmes

How the deuce can someone write the intimate memoirs of someone else?

John Howard Watson

I swear to you, on my Mary’s grave, I will not leave you here.

Martha Hudson

Why must you Holmes speak in such ghastly paragraphs?

Cottingley Wynter/Minerva Holmes

Anyone who makes it to middle age has the gaping wounds from childhood to prove it, doctor.

Sebastian Moran

I want more of that which hurts me. I hurt so badly and I've been bled bloody for it.

Jonathan Moncrief

Then there will be work for me again.

Mycroft Holmes*

That is the stupidest question you've ever devised.

Inspector Nimrod Lestrade*

I would gladly give my life to strip and mangle the blessed bandages of a yummy girly mummy.

Alice Le Plongée*

I see it. I see it. It's so dark. And Bright. And Colourful.

Lewis Le Plongée*

My perfect bride! My sweet child. She's all mine now and to eternity.

Inspector Nemo*

You will be detained and brought before the justice of King Edward the Seventh.

Doctor Seward

Of course, Jonathan. No, I don't like that. How about Jojo? We’ll get that on the collar for tomorrow.

Cast

* indicates double

Whatever remains, however improbable

HOLMES

Indeed. Once upon a time or so, I would have tried to forget that as soon as I heard it. What the deuce does the age of the planet or how it revolves matter in the enterprise of deduction? Not a thing, but it didn't occur until that matter to ask what does crime or police work matter in the scale of the universe? It was then that I knew I needed to break with the bad habits that kept me ignorant. That kept me in a dream of my own making.

MYCROFT

My poor brother with his head in the clouds or atmosphere and what not.

HOLMES

Then I suppose you would rather be content than ascend the clouds with me, brother?

MYCROFT

If I were the flying kind, I'd have thrown myself in the Thames long ago and saved England the trouble of my living expenses. Unfortunately, so many useless malcontents make their single service of suicide a spectacle unto themselves. As though your finale being witnessed somehow made it lasting.

HOLMES

Have you ever seen a man die, brother?

It's the end of the road for Holmes and Watson after Holmes declares there are no more mysteries worthy of his time. Enter a challenge from Professor Moriarty that will drive Holmes and Watson to the very edge of reason.

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Name	Description
Sherlock Holmes	Male presenting, White, Welsh dialect
John Howard Watson	Male presenting, White, Scottish dialect
Martha Hudson	Female presenting, White, Belfast dialect
Cottingley Wynter/Minerva Holmes	Female presenting, but impersonating a man. Biracial, London dialect
Sebastian Moran	Male presenting
Jonathan Moncrief	Male presenting
Mycroft Holmes*	Male presenting, White, RP dialect
Inspector Nimrod Lestrade*	Male presenting, London dialect, drops into French
Alice Le Plongée*	Female presenting, English dialect, far too young for her husband
Lewis Le Plongée*	Male presenting, French accent, middle aged to ancient. Far too old for his wife
Inspector Nemo*	Male presenting. Looks exactly like Lestrade
Doctor Seward	Male presenting.

Sherlock Holmes

Male presenting, White, Welsh dialect

How the deuce can someone write the intimate memoirs of someone else?

John Howard Watson

Male presenting, White, Scottish
dialect

I swear to you, on my Mary’s grave, I will not leave you here.

Martha Hudson

Female presenting, White, Belfast
dialect

Why must you Holmes speak in such ghastly paragraphs?

Cottingley Wynter/Minerva Holmes

Female presenting, but impersonating
a man. Biracial, London dialect

Anyone who makes it to middle age has the gaping wounds from childhood to prove it, doctor.

Sebastian Moran

Male presenting

I want more of that which hurts me. I hurt so badly and I've been bled bloody for it.

Jonathan Moncrief

Male presenting

Then there will be work for me again.

Mycroft Holmes*

Male presenting, White, RP dialect

That is the stupidest question you've ever devised.

Inspector Nimrod Lestrade*

Male presenting, London dialect,
drops into French

I would gladly give my life to strip and mangle the blessed bandages of a yummy girly mummy.

Alice Le Plongée*

Female presenting, English dialect, far
too young for her husband

I see it. I see it. It's so dark. And Bright. And Colourful.

Lewis Le Plongée*

Male presenting, French accent,
middle aged to ancient. Far too old for
his wife

My perfect bride! My sweet child. She's all mine now and to eternity.

Inspector Nemo*

Male presenting. Looks exactly like
Lestrade

You will be detained and brought before the justice of King Edward the Seventh.

Doctor Seward

Male presenting.

Of course, Jonathan. No, I don't like that. How about Jojo? We’ll get that on the collar for tomorrow.